Insider

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery??" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."

from dpoole A man in Florida calls his son in New York the day before Christmas Eve and says,“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” 'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Houston and tell her.” Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!” She calls Florida immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Scored! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.'

from SkyMan One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?" The salesperson answers, " Which one? We have: Work out Barbie for $19.95 Shopping Barbie for $19.95 Beach Barbie for $19.95 Disco Barbie for $19.95 Divorced Barbie for $265.95 The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?" The salesperson answers : "Sir...Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and...One of Ken's Friends.

from dpoole A man was putting his three-year-old daughter to bed, and advised her to say her prayers: "God bless, mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, and good-bye Grandpa." Dad thought that last comment was peculiar, so he let it go. The next day, though, the family received word that Grandpa had died of a stroke. The next night, the man was putting his child to bed, and she prayed: "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, and good-bye Grandma." The very next day, the grandmother died suddenly of a heart attack. The family was in shock, but none more than daddy. That night, the child prayed: "God bless mommy, and good-bye daddy." By now, daddy was convinced this kid had some conduit to the Great Beyond, and spent the next day in horror. He was at the office, watching the clock. For some reason feeling safer there, he stayed until midnight. Massively relieved, he came home. His wife asked him why he'd been so late. He told her it'd been the worse day of his life. She said, "You think YOU had a bad day. This afternoon, the mailman dropped dead on our porch!"

from dpoole Three college guys graduate, and go down to Mexico to celebrate. After a night of carousing, they wake up the next morning in jail. They don't remember what had happened or how they got there, but they were all scheduled for execution in the electric chair. They ask the first kid if he had any ultimas palabras. "I just graduated from Trinity Bible School with a degree in Theology, and I believe in the power of the Lord to save me." They then flipped the switch, but nothing happened. All the prison staff fell to their knees, released the guy, and begged for forgiveness. Then they strapped in the second kid. "I just graduated from the University of Texas Law School, and I believe the power of justice and the Rule of Law to save me." They flipped the switch, and again nothing happened. And once again, they were overcome with awe. They released him, and again begged forgiveness. Then they strapped in the third kid. "I'm an Aggie, who just graduated from Texas A&M with a degree in Electrical Engineering. And I'm here to tell you, this thing ain't never going to work unless you plug it in."

from hammer1 Art Linkletter had a TV program called "Kids Say the Darndest Things." A mom is driving her little girl to a friend's house for a play date. "Mommy ," the little girl asks ,"how old are you?" "Honey , you are not supposed to ask a lady her age", the mother warns . "It is not polite"."Ok", the little girl says ."How much do you weigh?" "Now really ," the mother says , "these are personal questions and really none of your business." Undaunted , the little girl asks," why did you and daddy get a divorce?" "That is enough questions , honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin play. "My Mom wouldn't tell me anything ." The little girl says to her friend "Well,"said the friend ,"all you need to do is look at her drivers license It is like a report card it has everything on it", later that night ,the little girls says to her mother ," I know how old you are . You are 32". The mother is surprised and asks ,"how did you find that out?" "I also know that you weigh 140pounds ." The mother is past surprise and shocked now. " How in heaven 's name did you find that out?" "And ,"the little girl says triumphantly ,"I know why you and daddy got a divorce". "Oh really?"The mother asks ." And why's that?" "Because you got an F in sex".

from marcmoish Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. While working as a student nurse, however, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do."Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money."You're finished already?" he asked."Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50."And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Compliments of dpoole Some guys were sitting around a locker room when a cell phone on the bench rings, and a man puts it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stopped to listen. Man: "Hello?" Woman: "Hi, Honey. It's me. You at the club?" Man: "Yes." Woman: "I'm at the shops now, and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2000. Is it OK if I buy it?" Man: "Sure. Go ahead." Woman: "I also stopped at the Lexus dealership and saw the new models and found one I really like." Man: "How much?" Woman: "$90,000." Man: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options." Woman: "Great! And, oh. One more thing. I was just talking to Janie, and you know that house with the river view that I wanted last year? Well, it's back on the market! They're asking $980,000 for it. Man: "Well, then, go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. But if not, we can probably go the extra 80 thousand if it's what you really want." Woman: "OK! I'll see you later. I love you so much!" Man: "Bye. I love you too." The man hung up. The other guys in the locker room were looking at him in astonishment, their mouths hanging open. He turned and asked, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

A woman walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving of cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner 1 can of Soup For One 1 16oz can of Miller Lite The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?" The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?" He replies, "Because you're ugly." Oops!

Posted by Eddiespin on another chatroom: These two old chums meet up after many years when one says to the other that he’s getting married for the 4th time. The other asks, “What happened the last 3 times?” The guy says, “They all died.” The other says, “Wow, how did they die?” The guy says, “Well, the 1st one died from eating poisoned mushrooms.” “Oh my,” says the other, “how did the 2nd one die?” The guy says, “She also died from eating poisoned mushrooms.” “Oh my,” says the other, “how did the 3rd one die?” “She died from falling out a 40-story window,” the guy says, “she wouldn’t eat the mushrooms.”

From Mark

logger7 Posted A WELL-PLANNED RETIREMENT Outside a popular English zoo there is a parking lot that holds 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees ($1.50 for cars, $7 for buses) were collected by a very pleasant attendant. Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn’t show up. Zoo management called the city council and asked them to send another parking attendant. The council did some research and responded: The parking lot was the zoo’s responsibility. The zoo advised the council the attendant was a city employee. The council advised the zoo no one in that role had ever been on the city payroll. So somewhere, sitting on the patio of his villa by the sea, is a man who apparently, completely on his own, had a ticket booth installed in the zoo parking lot, then simply began to show up every day to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day... for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars. ...and no one even knew his name.

All these were posted by other people.

There are two long running threads on the ATS that have become my favorites: Post a picture of anything Fridays and a thread for jokes anytime. At least 60% of the jokes are top notch ROTFL. Let's start a similar thread here for humor to get our minds off what's going on in our country and the world. Hopefully the Mods will allow it to continue. Unfortunately I don't know any good jokes but here is an example posted by the all-time most popular poster on CU: @ricko posted: The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his Deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him. IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them". Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweiser's every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally". IRS AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one". Boat Owner: "That would be me. What would you like to know"? Cheers, RickO LOL Agree?

I shall start posting quizzes.

That's NUTS! I'll bet you don't even post over there! What "handle" do you use? If you are not a member at ATS, I'll repeat - NUTS! There have been plenty of threads about PCGS mistakes on CU that have not been closed. It is extremely RARE for either of the top two TPGS to admit authenticity errors and there have been some very big ones. There is not one major grading service that has not slabbed over a half dozen counterfeits as genuine in the last five years and lots of obvious problem coins for some of us get straight graded. Example: long deep scratches on old coins above VF.

EXACTLY! Compared to the other sites (I and many others have posted this everywhere) the NGC forums are DEAD. Anyone monitoring the four major forums will notice that on some days CT for example is also dead. Then a thread becomes popular and it is off to the races for several days. Often there are several very active discussions going on. How do you increase participation? EASY, post interesting topics that are full of info and opinion. Check out a political discussion on a political forum! Unfortunately this type of discussion is not allowed on a coin forum. One of the best discussions on the major ATS concerned the Stone Mt. 50c coin. Although it was eventually closed, I learned a lot about that coin and the attitudes of other members regarding the history of our country and its erasure going on presently. Numismatic News just had a column about this coin and the ignorance surrounding its issue. LOL, depending on what you believe/know my last sentence can be taken either way. So, tell your friends on other forums that this site is going to become active again with their help. I'm going to start by introducing some of the active subjects being discussed elsewhere. With a light-handed approach to moderation, we the members can make this place more active. One suggestion for the NGC Grading room. POST A WEEKLY GUESS THE GRADE of a coin that has some interesting things that might make it difficult for three professionals to reach a single grade. At the end of the week ADD critique any responses that the members have not covered.

Tell Bill that his old nemesis Skip misses his comments.

A portion of the surface (any size) on an original coin can be missing due to several factors. Some of the time it is due to a weak strike (dies not set properly, planchet out of tolerance). Some of the time is is due to debris of some kind between the die and planchet. Some of the time the design is missing due to wear on the die. In each of these cases, on an original coin, the surface will have a similar look, either original p,lanchet marks or the impression of the debris. The center of the reverse on the coin you posted is opposite a deep part of the obverse die. That is probably the main cause of the weakness we see.

INVITE THEM OVER in a PM. Tell them we are trying to revive the NGC forum and would appreciate them looking in and posting.

Don't go away. That would probably cut the total number of active posters on all the forums here by 5%! I've already used up one like and one LOL for today in this thread. I'm keeping track and i'll let you know the limit per day.

As the die breaks part of the planchet did not come into contact with the die design so - no feathers. The surface is similar to a weak strike.