The Sad Story of My Numismatic Friend 0

[dcarr]

The Sad Story of My Numismatic Friend (and my first significant coin).

 

 

My friend “Jim” was my best coin collecting friend from long ago, back to Middle School in the early 1970s.

 

 

The earliest memories are of the two of us looking at coins in the back of the classroom during Social Studies and the teacher telling us “boys, put the coins away”. Oh well, we were learning a lot more with the coins than we were in the class. We would often go to coin shops around the Denver area. Initially, we would require one of our parents to take us there. Later, when we were able to drive, we would make our own rounds. We were also “self-employed” during the summers in the mid-1970s. Our “job” was to drive around getting rolls of half dollars to search for silver. We had our kits and the process was practiced. I used a typical metal cash box with spare copper-nickel coins that were used to fill the spaces in rolls where I would remove a 90% or 40% silver coin. The searched rolls were exchanged at a bank for cash, and then on to the next bank we went. Back then, 40% coins were worth a profit of 15 to 20 cents each, and the profit on 90% coins was about $1 to $1.25 each. That wasn’t much, but it was enough to pay for gas and lunch, plus a little extra. I vividly remember our score at a bank in Evergreen Colorado. We bought a bundle of $100 (ten rolls) of half dollars. Out in the car when we started looking at the rolls we were excitedly hollering like someone who had just hit a jackpot on a slot machine. People walking by on the street were wondering what the hell was going on. Out of that $100, $6 of it was 40% silver. $90 of it was 90% silver. Only $4 of it was non-silver (copper-nickel clad).

 

 

Early-on, I noticed some very troubling signs with Jim. He was always the first one (and usually the only one) to fall down drunk at the parties. He would try any drug that anyone presented.

 

 

When Jim was about 22 his Dad passed away. His Mom and Dad were driving from California back to Colorado. They stopped for lunch in Salinas California. After eating, they walked out to the parking lot. Jim’s Dad suffered a spontaneous massive heart attack and dropped dead right on the spot. And that was that.

 

 

Jim was smart and he attended the Colorado School of Mines and studied Chemistry, while I attended the University of Colorado and studied Mechanical Engineering. After Jim’s Dad died, his Mom moved to a retirement community in Southern California. During winter break from college, we would drive out to California and stay a couple weeks with his Mom. We would plan out our days and routes, mapping every coin store, stamp store, and bank that we wanted to visit that day. We went everywhere from San Diego to Los Angeles. In Beverly Hills in 1978 I remember getting an unusually-long $20 paper-wrapped roll of half dollars (normally, they are shorter $10 rolls). In that $20 roll was coins dated 1978 and all the way back to 1917.

 

 

Jim became interested in full-step Jefferson nickels. We once went in together on a mint-sealed $200 face value bag of 1960 [P] nickels. I think at the time it cost us about $220. We agreed to split the value of whatever we would find. But whomever found an item would have first choice to keep it and pay the other partner half the value, or sell it to the other partner at half the value (if the other party wanted it). There was not much significant in the bag except for one coin that I found – double-clipped with a perfectly-formed “railroad rim” (partial collar) all the way around the circumference. We valued the coin at about $20 at the time. Since Jim was more of a nickel and error collector than I was, I sold it to him for $10 as per our agreement. Years later, I wished I had kept it since it was the first coin of real numismatic interest that I ever had.

 

 

Towards the end of my college stint, one Saturday morning I was driving north back into Boulder and I saw Jim walking along the side of the road in the opposite direction. He looked all banged up. So I did a U-turn and went to pick him up. While I didn’t exactly get the straight story from Jim, I did eventually gather the pieces together. Apparently, the night before, Jim had driven from his apartment in Golden to a bar in Boulder. At the bar, he drank too much and then attempted to drive. He tried to drive up the freeway off-ramp (in the wrong direction) but couldn’t even do that right and crashed his car into a ravine. Luckily, he did not injure anyone except himself. The police put him in jail for the night. On Saturday morning he couldn’t get a ride so he started walking back towards Golden, which was about 20 miles away. That is when I came upon him. I gave him a ride back to his apartment. That was the end of the 1972 Ford Mustang that he had inherited from his Dad. Some years later I think he permanently lost his license to drive and never owned another car or drove again after that.

 

 

Jim was never a “mean” drunk. He was always very cordial, happy, funny, friendly, and somehow direct-to-the-point when drunk. The only time I ever witnessed him get aggravated towards anyone was when they suggested that he not drink and smoke. His attitude towards that was basically a stern “that is none of your business”.

 

 

After college I did not have as much contact with him, but I would correspond or visit with him from time to time. Over the years Jim worked at various laboratories. Some for a few years, but usually he would become unemployed at some point. I suspect that showing up at work while intoxicated was a reason. At one point when he had a steady job he bought a house. But a couple years later he apparently lost his job and just quit paying his mortgage. He ignored all notices. Then one morning he was woken up in bed at gunpoint. It was a deputy sheriff evicting him. They had an eviction order, so they forced him out. They took all of his possessions out of the house and threw them in the snow in the front yard. This included his safe and numerous other coins and valuables that were not in the safe. The locks to the house were changed on the spot. Later that day Jim called me and asked that I come take possession of his coins and other items. I immediately made the hour drive to the location where he told me to meet him. When I got there, it was a bar. Jim had walked a mile to the bar and left all his possessions unattended in his front yard. When I arrived Jim was drinking in the bar. We drove to his house. Some of this things may have “walked off” while he was at the bar. But, miraculously, the majority of what he had was still there. I loaded up everything of value that I could find in his yard. I remember picking up PCGS slabs that were scattered about the yard in the snow. After I picked up everything, I left. With no place to go, Jim apparently broke into his former house that very night and continued to reside there for some time. But eventually he ended up living homeless “on the street” and occasionally in a cheap motel. When he needed money, he would call me up and ask if I would buy this or that from his collection (which I was holding on his behalf). We would agree on an amount and I would make a deposit in my local branch of his bank. About this time I learned that he had some items being held at the pawn shop. After learning what the exorbitant fees and interest was on the “loans” I declared that it was nuts. In a year or less the amount owed on the items would be well above what they were worth. So I made to Jim the proposal to immediately go to the pawn shop where I would pay to get all his things out of there, and I would take some items equal in value to the payment I would make. That way, Jim would at least get most of his items back and not owe anything more. Jim agreed.

 

 

Then he seemed to get things together somewhat and got a good-paying job as a chemist at a government facility in New Mexico. I believe that this job required a security clearance. He called me up and told me about the nice hot-tub he was sitting in at the fancy hotel where his employer had temporarily housed him. But a week or so later he called again and stated that he needed money for a bus ride back to the Denver area. I never found out what had happened but I suspect that either he showed up for work intoxicated, or his government employer did a background check and found some DUIs in his record that he did not disclose on his original employment application. So I bought some more of his coins and deposited money in a local branch of his bank so that he could get a bus ticket. He later told me that he had to live out in the desert for several days with only a backpack containing meager supplies and part of his coin collection.

 

 

Once again back in Denver, he lived on the street and occasionally in shady motels. Eventually he was in a homeless shelter and that shelter hooked him up with a Vietnam veteran with similar problems. The shelter helped the two of them get into a two-bedroom apartment. They also helped Jim file the proper paperwork to start getting the nearly $2,000 per month in Social Security disability. With that, and having a roommate to share expenses, Jim could get by reasonably well and not have to live on the street. The county social services helped arrange a part-time job for him as a security guard at the headquarters of a major satellite communications company. He had to ride the bus and take light rail to his job, almost an hour each way, to earn basically minimum wage. One time, at the train station, a person asked Jim for a cigarette. Jim made a terse reply and declined to give up one of his. He was then stabbed in the back by the man. Jim had to get about 20 stitches. Some months later I learned of this and saw the scar.

 

 

For a while he was getting by fairly well again, and with a little extra money he was even buying a few coins here and there on the internet. He asked that I return all his coins that I was holding for him, and so I did. He gave me spare keys to his apartment and the combination to his safe. He told me to take possession of his items if anything ever happened to him. His only living relatives are two sisters (both much older than Jim) and he hated both and wanted no contact with either. He never married or had kids. Jim’s mom had died many years prior. His parents and sisters all seemed to be very old in relation to Jim. My wife’s theory is that Jim was actually the “illegitimate” son of one of his sisters, and the family covered it up. Both his sisters were at least 16 years older than him. But I have no confirming information on that matter.

 

 

A few years ago Jim’s internal organs had started failing, especially the liver and kidneys. His belly would swell up with fluid and periodically he had to go in for a procedure where they inserted a long needle into his abdomen to drain out multiple gallons of fluid at a time. He was prescribed various medications and diuretics to flush out fluid. Then he was diagnosed with throat cancer. Smoking and drinking undoubtedly caused it. The doctors determined that surgery was not an option. So they gave him some massive focused radiation doses. This was ironic since Jim worked frequently with radioactive compounds during his prior employment. I remember seeing him with significant radiation burns on the skin of his neck. However, his cancer did go into remission and never returned.

 

 

Then Jim had a falling-out with his roommate Hank. Hank was terrible with money, far worse than even Jim. Whatever money Hank had, he would just blow it all in a day or two. Hank inherited $16,000 and bought a used car. The car broke down a day or two later and Hank went back to the dealer and threw the car keys at the manager and left. Hank never even tried to get any money back and he abandoned the car where it lay. The $16,000 was completely gone in a week and Hank was back to bumming money and whatever he could get. Then Hank apparently had a psychotic episode and for whatever reason broke down Jim’s locked bedroom door and they had an altercation. Hank was taken away from the apartment and never returned. Jim then had to pay all the expenses for the apartment himself and he had to start selling coins again. The county stepped in once more and got him regular deliveries of free food, a free phone, and free internet access. But I still bought most of his better items over the past couple years and he used the money for rent, alcohol, and whatever else.

 

 

In recent years I never saw Jim drink. Not once. But he was always drunk. His speech was always slurred and his short-term memory was shot. He could remember things from years ago. But if you told him anything new, or tried to teach him anything new, it would never sink in, no matter how hard one tried.

 

 

In January of this year I learned that Jim had not been going to his doctor appointments because he could not get to the offices. My wife and I volunteered to take him to his next one. So we drove the hour to his apartment to pick him up. He told us that he had previously fallen in his apartment and it took him an hour to crawl to his bed. I am a year older than Jim and I can still run up and down the stairs. Jim could barely step on or off a 2-inch curb, even with a walker and assistance. The skin on his face was gray and lumpy. He looked like walking death. I knew he was in bad shape, and that is why I wanted to go with him so I could be his advocate and talk to the doctor. Upon arrival at the appointment, we helped Jim to the doctor’s office. While riding up the elevator, I discovered a bottle of liquor in the pouch of his walker. His speech was slurred, as typical. In fact, I don’t remember ever seeing him not drunk in the last 20 years or more. At the appointment, they first wanted a blood sample. The nurse stabbed him three or four times in each arm and couldn’t get a flow and then she switched to his hand and finally got a sample. Then we waited and later the doctor finally came in. She said flat-out to Jim that he had to stop drinking. Jim lied entirely and stated in slurred speech that he only had one or two beers a week on Thursday night dinner with friends. The part about two beers on Thursday night was perhaps somewhat accurate. But he did not mention the other six days a week spent drinking all the time. The doctor looked at Jim directly and said emphatically that she knew he was lying. This was a Monday morning, and she was holding Jim’s blood work report which showed his blood alcohol level at the time. It was well above “DUI” levels. She was clearly frustrated with him. At one point I asked the doctor if we could step aside and talk. I told the doctor that Jim had fallen and it took him an hour to crawl to his bed (which was just a mattress on the floor). I said that he needs to go into hospice right now. She told me that his vital signs did not qualify for hospice and she would not recommend hospice care for him at that time. Thinking back on it, I believe that maybe what she meant was, hospice isn’t for people who are chronically drunk and/or engaging in substance abuse.

 

 

A couple weeks after the doctor’s appointment, I got the call. Jim only had three friends in this world. He had apparently succumbed on the floor of his apartment several days earlier. The police were called by someone, probably a neighbor because of the smell. The police went into the apartment and discovered the body. They looked around and found contact information for one of our mutual friends and called him. The mutual friend emailed me and we decided on a time for the three of us to go over to Jim’s apartment.

 

 

Jim’s apartment complex is, pretty much, a dump. There was evidence that a homeless person had been camped just outside Jim’s front door in the recesses under the outdoor stairwell. Our mutual friend told me that Jim would sometimes pay that homeless person $100 to go buy a couple bottles of liquor for Jim.

 

 

Inside Jim’s apartment it was the most deplorable living conditions that I have ever seen in person. Bio-hazards everywhere. We had to be very careful where to step and what to touch (and what not to touch). The police and coroner had already removed the body a few days earlier, and two antique (but basically worthless) guns that Jim had on the wall were apparently taken by the police. What little Jim had left in the form of valuables, the three of us took possession of. There was one box of coins that contained everything that I had given Jim over the years. I took possession of that. Most of it was from a few trips that Jim had made to my mint where we struck some things together for fun. I never charged Jim anything for any of that. The best item in the group was one of my “1964-D” Peace over-strikes.

 

 

But there was one other coin in that box and I think Jim put it there so that I would get it. The 1960 [P] mint error nickel from the mint bag we shared many years ago. I will always keep this coin as a remembrance.

 

 

Not once did Jim ever ask of charity from me. He never asked to borrow money, or asked for housing, transportation, or food. We occasionally offered. He only asked me to safeguard some of his possessions a couple of times. When he needed money, we would have a numismatic transaction at fair market values.

 

 

Looking back, I wonder if anything could have been done. But unless a person acknowledges that something needs to change, nothing will succeed. Even the slightest inkling of a desire, or acknowledgement, is worth an “intervention” attempt. But I never saw in Jim even a miniscule of regret or a desire in any way to change, even when he repeatedly hit the rock bottom of the pit.

 

 

But even though we led vastly different lifestyles, I can still say rest in peace my friend. At least, now you are free of it and “sober”.

 

 

 

Edited June 6 by dcarr

[J P M]

Sorry for your loss Dan, I think we all have a friend like Jim, and we would do anything for them just because.

[ldhair]

Sorry for your loss. You can feel good for being there to help him so many times. You never gave up trying to help. Not many would do that for so long. I'm sure Jim was very thankful to have such a great friend. 

[leeg]

So sorry for your loss.

I've lost two daughters to addiction so I feel your pain.

[Henri Charriere]

I really ought to respond with a "no comment," as I have nothing nice to add to the conversation.  I am, after all, in the estimation of one member, a "Danny Downer," but that would only deprive you, the membership, of hearing what my upright, blameless and without sin" sister had to say in appraising my choice of girlfriend (briefly, a female "Jim" to the tenth exponential power).

I invited my sister to lunch in a "transitional" neighborhood undergoing gentrification and revitalization. She was then working at the city's Department of Investigation and arrived promptly and as one would expect in business attire.

She asked me where my friend was, a drug addict who had broken night and very likely was in a state of withdrawal, lying on a bench nearby.

She turned to me and with pronounced assertiveness said: "I'm not going anywhere with THAT!"  I told her she didn't have to, and quietly walked away.

Years later, after the woman's death, surprisingly not from a drug overdose or AIDS -- but murder, still unsolved from 1986, the matter was brought up, and this was her sober analysis upon reflection... "There was nothing wrong with her, but there's something wrong with you!". In other words, you come from a good family, you're a college graduate had a good job working on Wall Street, your own apartment, etc. "She is what she is and likely had always been... what's YOUR excuse?"

I had none.  End of story.

[The Neophyte Numismatist]

Dan, thanks for sharing your story. I think everyone has a "Jim" (and anyone can become Jim). Addiction is a monster that tricks the mind and takes the body. Once addiction takes hold, it can be very difficult to walk away. Sadly, like Jim... most never do.

Addiction is my biggest fear for my children. It runs in my family, and my father and brother both have addiction problems. The thought of them following a path of addiction breaks my heart. As a parent, this scares me to no end.

I commend you on staying true to your friend. This is not easy, as addiction leaves a trail of lies and misdeeds that can break trust in the relationship. I am sure these are feelings you had to work through. I am glad you were able to navigate your feelings in a way that allowed you to continue to offer love to your friend.

I am sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in knowing you were a good friend to Jim. I am also hopeful that this post will deter people from taking this destructive pathway through life.

Note: if you or a friend are going through challenges with addiction the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's (SAMHSA) National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders. The toll-free number for help is 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

[The Neophyte Numismatist]

On 5/28/2024 at 10:13 AM, leeg said:

So sorry for your loss.

I've lost two daughters to addiction so I feel your pain.

I feel so crushed reading this.  This is one of my worst fears.  I am so sorry for the tragedy that you have had, @leeg.

 

[RonnieR131]

Sorry for your loss. A good story about a good lifelong friend. I'm 73, and have been surrounded, sometimes overwhelmed by addicted friends. I understand, and have my own stories about longtime true friends, but could never say it like you just did. Thanks for sharing. Sleep well, you were there for him, and he knew it.

Edited May 28 by RonnieR131

[Lem E]

Sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. 

[Mike Meenderink]

The tribute you wrote to your friend is one of the most moving things I have ever read. I understand losing good friends. It's not easy but it's comforting when you can vividly look back and experience those moments over and over again. Sorry for your loss. This story would make a great short story or mini novel. Possible working title: Boys Put the Coins Away. Thanks for sharing.

Edited May 29 by Mike Meenderink

[dcarr]

Thanks everyone for the eloquent responses.

I have no regrets. It is unfortunate that Jim had the addition problems. I still wonder "what if ?", but there was not really anything that would have helped.

There were times when I wouldn't hear from Jim for a year or two at a time. I often assumed that he was dead. I am actually quite surprised that he made it to the age of 64. The items he collected became a financial lifeline for him in difficult times. If not for the hobby, I doubt that he would have made it to 50.

Edited May 30 by dcarr

[Henri Charriere]

I believe I would be remiss in my duty as a responsible, dues-paying member of this Forum if I failed to note the absence of comments from at least two well-known fellow members. Malheureusement, in practical, everyday terms what this means is they, and any others of like mind have irrevocably lost their misperceived privilege of criticizing the OP for his unique artistic creations for the duration, meaning no belated apologies or appeals, with no expiration.

This applies whether the absence of their remarks was inadvertent or intentional. Not acceptable.

This Topic has fleshed out, in a way no other can, the irreproachable virtue and undeniably sterling character of a man's innermost thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I do not believe I have ever experienced the rare privilege of observing anyone delve deeply into a more controversial but little-discussed subject matter than the OP related here seamlessly with intensity and sensitivity.

[Posted on the "It's Token Tueday" thread is a token I had taken the liberty of posting last nite which conceivably could have been used by the author of the book cited in that column. In the last line of the last page of the Forward to that book, he made an interesting observation:  "I have learned the junk equation. Junk is not, like alcohol or [marijuana] a means to increased  enjoyment of life.  Junk is not a kick. It is a way of life."  (Emphasis mine.)]

Any further comments I may wish to make must be respectfully withheld owing to Chat Board Guideline policy.  I thank the OP (whose works I find no fault with) for sharing his account with unusual conviction and compassion.

(Posted at the discretion of Moderation.) 

 

 

[VKurtB]

I have to hand it to Dan. I don’t have that much patience or compassion. My life had a “Jim”. My Jim’s name was Dave. I had to cut him out of my life completely and utterly. “No tolerance for foolishness.” Now I have a step-daughter and her husband bleeding us dry. They’re both ridiculous potheads. I may soon have to cut my losses and return to Pennsylvania full time, sans wife. I swear all those Boeing safety issues are because Washington is a pothead state. Move the airliner production lines here to Northern Alabama. Employers here still test for weed.

Edited May 30 by VKurtB

[Henri Charriere]

On 5/30/2024 at 1:31 PM, VKurtB said:

I have to hand it to Dan. I don’t have that much patience or compassion. My life had a “Jim”. My Jim’s name was Dave. I had to cut him out of my life completely and utterly. “No tolerance for foolishness.” Now I have a step-daughter and her husband bleeding us dry. They’re both ridiculous potheads. I may soon have to cut my losses and return to Pennsylvania full time, sans wife. I swear all those Boeing safety issues are because Washington is a pothead state. Move the airliner production lines here to Northern Alabama. Employers here still test for weed.

A bit off-topic but the problems of Boeing are being experienced by all airline manufacturers who outsource their maintenance inspections to countries where parts and labor are cheaper and rigorous standards are lax.

[VKurtB]

On 5/30/2024 at 2:46 PM, Henri Charriere said:

A bit off-topic but the problems of Boeing are being experienced by all airline manufacturers who outsource their maintenance inspections to countries where parts and labor are cheaper and rigorous standards are lax.

That doesn’t account for door plugs blowing out and landing gear wheels dropping off of Boeing aircraft domestically. That’s ALL hiring potheads.

[powermad5000]

I just read this post and am sorry for your loss. Whether our friends are perfect or not, they are still our friends, and you showed you cared despite all that was going on for so long.

I hope you can find solace in that your friend is finally released from his demons within and is at rest, the internal chaos now over.

[Just Bob]

On 5/28/2024 at 2:00 AM, dcarr said:

 

Looking back, I wonder if anything could have been done. ....But I never saw in Jim even a miniscule of regret or a desire in any way to change, even when he repeatedly hit the rock bottom of the pit.

 

Without the desire for change, change will never come. There will always be the question of, "what if..." but it sounds like you did everything you could have done. You were a true friend.

[dcarr]

On 5/30/2024 at 3:16 AM, Henri Charriere said:

I believe I would be remiss in my duty as a responsible, dues-paying member of this Forum if I failed to note the absence of comments from at least two well-known fellow members. Malheureusement, in practical, everyday terms what this means is they, and any others of like mind have irrevocably lost their misperceived privilege of criticizing the OP for his unique artistic creations for the duration, meaning no belated apologies or appeals, with no expiration.

This applies whether the absence of their remarks was inadvertent or intentional. Not acceptable.

This Topic has fleshed out, in a way no other can, the irreproachable virtue and undeniably sterling character of a man's innermost thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I do not believe I have ever experienced the rare privilege of observing anyone delve deeply into a more controversial but little-discussed subject matter than the OP related here seamlessly with intensity and sensitivity.

[Posted on the "It's Token Tueday" thread is a token I had taken the liberty of posting last nite which conceivably could have been used by the author of the book cited in that column. In the last line of the last page of the Forward to that book, he made an interesting observation:  "I have learned the junk equation. Junk is not, like alcohol or [marijuana] a means to increased  enjoyment of life.  Junk is not a kick. It is a way of life."  (Emphasis mine.)]

Any further comments I may wish to make must be respectfully withheld owing to Chat Board Guideline policy.  I thank the OP (whose works I find no fault with) for sharing his account with unusual conviction and compassion.

(Posted at the discretion of Moderation.) 

 

 

Thanks for that.

My intention and goal in posting the story was not to gain favor or accolades, but simply to tell the story of Jim as a eulogy. And maybe it will help others with similar situations.

.

 

[VKurtB]

On 5/31/2024 at 12:49 PM, dcarr said:

Thanks for that.

My intention and goal in posting the story was not to gain favor or accolades, but simply to tell the story of Jim as a eulogy. And maybe it will help others with similar situations.

.

 

Analogous to whose situation? Jim’s or yours? Jim’s was hopeless for a long time. Yours was quixotic.

[thingsforgotten]

Thank you for sharing. That coin is priceless, regardless of numismatic value. I hope it brought you some closure. 

[numisport]

Dan your story is well written but heart breaking to read as well. As others have said most of us have family or know someone who has these problems. You have brought light to a problem we have within our family as well. I hope you can move on from this chapter of your life. 

[leeg]

On 5/28/2024 at 1:22 PM, The Neophyte Numismatist said:

I feel so crushed reading this.  This is one of my worst fears.  I am so sorry for the tragedy that you have had, @leeg.

 

Thank you.

[VDBCoins]

Dan, please accept my condolences on the loss of your friend. Even though I don't know you at all, I thought this was both a completely heartbreaking story and a wonderful eulogy to Jim. It is testament to what a true friend does, far beyond the "let me know if you need anything" crowd. A beautiful if tragic story. I too am glad that now Jim is finally sober. Thank you for sharing this, and I hope it helps other people also in the throes of addiction. Kind regards, George

[CIII]

Dan, thank you for sharing that story.  Your words provided a perfect eulogy to honor your friend.