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A funny auction.

Started by MikeInFL,

13 posts in this topic

MikeInFL

MikeInFL

Posted
Posted

One of the more witty auction descriptions I've seen. It was posted ATS, but I thought I would share it with you all if you've not seen it already:

 

http://cgi.ebay.com/1938-D-Walking-Half-VF-toning-like-Sophia-Loren_W0QQitemZ250156521374QQihZ015QQcategoryZ41100QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

 

You are, by all means, going to bid on this gorgeous 1938 -D half dollar. Why? Well if the fact that it's a totally awesome coin isn't enough, let me tell you.

 

Let us turn back the clock to a faithful time in 1984, when children played in the street, the first Apple Macintosh went up for sale, and Medicare came to Australia.

 

"Congratulations, you have a stunningly handsome and beautiful baby boy, what are you going to name him?" asked the Doctor just moments after I burst out of my mother's womb. "Kerry…Kerry Oki," My mother replied.

 

Just shortly after Kerry learned how to pry the Cheerios out of his nose and walk on his own, Kerry's father, Steve, noticed something irregular about Kerry's glorious anatomic features.

 

"Honey, you better look at this!" Steve yelled.

 

"What is it? What's wrong?" the mother asked.

 

The room seemed hotter than two squirrels screwing in a wool sock behind a dryer. Steve's thoughts tumbled in his head, like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free as he rushed Kerry to the hospital. Kerry's left testicle was enlarged to nearly 3 times the size of his right. After various tests it was confirmed. At the age of only 3, Kerry had testicular cancer. Like a cow on Astroturf, they had no idea what was going on.

 

After several months of chemotherapy, 4 surgeries, $300,000 in medical bills, and a much appreciated "Make a wish foundation" trip to Disney World, Kerry was now cancer free. Although he was now only half the man he used to be, if you know what I mean, he was extremely grateful to be alive.

 

Hindered by the vast expenses of 1.5 years of hospitalization without health insurance, like most children his age, Kerry grew up playing with various military-themed action figures and fictional teams of color-coded teenage anthropomorphic turtle mutants. As more children conformed to the ever-changing technological advances and endless supply of greasy, diabetes rendering 29-cent cheeseburgers, Kerry found himself wandering around aimlessly his local coin shop.

 

At said coin shop, Kerry learned the various mints, makes, and marks of every U.S. coin made available for him to gaze his youthful, lustful eyes upon. He became widely recognized as an inspiring young man, whose intelligence and accountability could be verified by any single person who has met him.

 

Kerry received several exquisite coins as gifts from various individuals who regarded Kerry as an admirable, income-challenged but does-what-he-can-with-what-he-has individual. After the reception of said gifts, jealousy ensued among the regulars. Like a midget at a urinal, Kerry would have to be on his toes.

 

After getting through school as graceful as a cross-eyed hippo on a three-wheeled skateboard, 2 jobs, and a brief encounter with a soul eating She-Devil, Kerry now faces a new challenge, a higher education.

 

Without a higher education, Kerry's life would be as pointless as two blind men in a staring contest. Fearful for the financial future of his parents, and himself, Kerry decides that he would be the first person in his immediate family to attend a Four-year university.

 

Fueled by a small savings account, and hopes and dreams of becoming a gloriously rich Business Man who does lines of coke off the backs of Puerto Rican strippers while wiping away his tears of joy with his diamond-laced silk boxer shorts, Kerry attended his first year of college.

 

Kerry finished his first year with ease, and prepares for the next. It was extremely difficult working full time, and going to school full time, but Kerry was still determined to wipe his with Gold-plated double ply Charmin Ultra toilet paper. Much to his dismay, Kerry finds out that tuition for the next school year has increased. With this new inflation of already outrageous tuition fees, rising gas prices, and dependent parents on the verge of senility, working full time will not suffice.

 

So, I bless you with the opportunity to add this beautiful coin to your collection. It will help you sleep ever so gently, knowing that you took a break from your day-to-day penny pinching to help a young man who has faced trials and tribulations that most have not seen. You will arrive at the pearly gates, with that extra satisfaction, knowing that as average as you are, you were able to make difference to a random person on the internet.

 

 

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mhardin2413

mhardin2413

Posted
Posted

having read all the normal sob stories on ebay about dead loved ones coins and fiction like that, i am glad to see someone parodying that. if nothing else, a bid on the coin is a payment for a good story with a coin thrown in. i'd much rather read a nice story than someone telling me a PCGS 58 coin "should really be a 63."

kudos, and thanks for the post.

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edmerlr

edmerlr

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Posted

Great, funny and well written.

 

...but Kerry was so involved writing his story that he forgot to double-check the listing as far as coin details.

 

The coin is definitely a Denver minted coin, but in the details he lists it as the San Francisco mint.

 

Not being a collector or Walking Liberty Halves - their grades and their worth -- you guys will have to tell me if Kerry succeeds in getting a few extra bucks because of his creative writing efforts.

 

Let's see: He gets $5, let's say, more because of his writing skills. He spent one hour writing, proofreading and wordsmithing the listing. This means that his time was worth $5/hour ???

 

I guess this is more productive than watching one hour of mindless TV.

 

Regards,

 

Ed R.

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