TGIF!!!

[cpm9ball]

Okay, so it may not be the appropriate place for this, but...........

 

To any of our members who have had a bad day, a bad week or a bad year.......

 

It doesn't matter if it is because of eye surgery, back problems, getting slammed by a non-customer, the Yankees losing to the Red Sox or not getting to go to the FSU/ND game..........

 

THIS BUD'S FOR YOU!!!................

 

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." Lyndon B. Johnson

 

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." Ernest Hemingway

 

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." Paul Hornung

 

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." H.L. Mencken

 

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" George Bernard Shaw

 

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Benjamin Franklin

 

"Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C." W.C. Fields

 

And finally, what better place to enjoy beer than at the ballpark. I'm going to leave the authors of these quotes anonymous, but after reading a few, I'm sure you will be able to recognize the family responsible for these "gems":

 

"You can't lose if you win."

 

"I knew exactly where it was, I just couldn't find it."

 

"The similaritites between my father and me are different."

 

"Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."

 

"The only reason I need these gloves is 'cause of my hands."

 

"Where have you been?"...."I took Tim to see Doctor Zhivago."...."What the hell's wrong with him now?"

 

When asked the time, I replied, "You mean now?"

 

"I'm so hungry right now, I can't even look at food."

 

"How can I find it if it's lost?"

 

"It's never happened in World Series history, and it hasn't happened since."

 

"Slump? I ain't in no slump...I just ain't hitting."

 

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."

 

I was receiving the key to the city on a miserably hot and humid day. The mayor's wife commented on how cool I looked, and I replied, "You don't look so hot yourself."

 

During an interview, I was asked to do a word association. The first thing he said was: Mickey Mantle. I replied, "What about him?"

 

What would you do if you found a million dollars? "I'd see if I could find the guy that lost it, and if he was poor, I'd give it back."

 

"I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4."

 

"I eat apples, but not fruit."

 

"I don't remember leaving, so I guess we didn't go."

 

"I double checked it six times."

 

When you were young, what did you like best about school? I answered, "When it's closed."

 

While playing a game of twenty questions, I asked, "Is he living?"..."Is he living now?"

 

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't go to yours."

 

"Steve McQueen looks good in this movie. He must have made it before he died."

 

"I'm as red as a sheet."

 

When asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I replied, "Four. I don't think I can eat eight."

 

When Max called, I sleepily answered the phone. "Sorry", he said, "I hope I didn't wake you." I replied, "Nah, I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."

 

"Pair up in threes."

 

After doing a radio show with Jack Buck in St. Louis, a check was handed to me made out to "Pay to Bearer." I turned to Jack and said, "You've known me all this time and you still can't spell my name!"

 

"Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken."

 

"Never answer an anonymous letter."

 

"You can observe a lot by watching."

 

"You've got to be careful if you don't know where you're going 'cause you might not get there."

 

When asked, "What size cap do you want?", I replied, "I don't know. I'm not in shape yet."

 

When I returned home from Italy, Cardinal Spellman asked me if I had had an audience with the Pope. I said, "No, but I saw him." Then I was asked what I had said to His Holiness. I couldn't remember exactly, but he said "Hello." and I responded, "Hello, Pope."

 

We were going to have some of our blinds repaired, only I didn't know it. I was upstairs when my son Larry called out, "Dad, the guy is here for the venetian blinds." I told him, "Look in my pants pocket and give him five bucks."

 

"Little League baseball is a good thing 'cause it keeps the parents off the streets and the kids out of the house."

 

And, of course......

 

"I really didn't say everything I said!"

 

I hope some of you will get a little laugh from this and if anyone would like to add some of their own, please feel free to do so.

 

Have a nice day!

 

Chris

[Hoot]

 

Thanks Chris! Hoot

[GP_]

Friday!

[etexmike]

I guess Fridays and beer do go together pretty well.

 

-------------

 

etexmike

[HaydenTubbs]

I don't drink but I must admit your thread was quite hilarious.

Although doesn't this belong in the water cooler?

[cpm9ball]

I don't drink but I must admit your thread was quite hilarious.

Although doesn't this belong in the water cooler?

 

Nah! Beer and water taste terrible together.........now, Dewars & Water......

 

Chris