Opinions of this auction catalog description sought... (CAUTION: spam)

[James_OldeTowne]

This description is for a Chain cent in an ANACS "F-12 corroded" slab. I'd value your opinion as to the quality and readability of the text.

 

Thank you in advance. Sorry for the low-level spam potential here.

 

Despite a considerable level of dark corrosion of both its sides, attribution of this early large-cent is readily confirmed by the presence of the periods after LIBERTY and the date. Indeed, though all details are considerably affected by the corrosive effects of a caustic environment, the all-important date and chain are impressively bold, as are the reverse legends. Only Liberty's portrait is weak. Naturally, the rough texture can obscure post-mint abrasions and such, but careful observation with a loupe reveals nice, bold and undamaged rims on both sides, at least to the extent that the slab permits viewing. A series of three or four scratches scrape along the upper reverse near 11:00, and there are a couple of shallow, ancient pock marks near Liberty's throat, but there are no other untoward detractions of note.

[MikeInFL]

James, It reads well to my eye. It would help if we saw photos of the coin, though...Mike

[MarkFeld]

This description is for a Chain cent in an ANACS "F-12 corroded" slab. I'd value your opinion as to the quality and readability of the text.

 

Thank you in advance. Sorry for the low-level spam potential here.

 

Despite a considerable level of dark corrosion of both its sides, attribution of this early large-cent is readily confirmed by the presence of the periods after LIBERTY and the date. Indeed, though all details are considerably affected by the corrosive effects of a caustic environment, the all-important date and chain are impressively bold, as are the reverse legends. Only Liberty's portrait is weak. Naturally, the rough texture can obscure post-mint abrasions and such, but careful observation with a loupe reveals nice, bold and undamaged rims on both sides, at least to the extent that the slab permits viewing. A series of three or four scratches scrape along the upper reverse near 11:00, and there are a couple of shallow, ancient pock marks near Liberty's throat, but there are no other untoward detractions of note.

Hi James, it sure would be helpful if we could also see images of the coin that was described - the description is somewhat difficult to critique without them.

 

That said, here are a few edit suggestions from me, some of which are probably merely personal preferences, rather than actual improvements, but just in case:

 

1+2) In the first sentence - "corrosion on..", instead of "corrosion of". Also, "Chain Cent" instead of "early large-cent" but if not, at least omit the hyphen between "large" and "cent".

 

3) "A group of three or four scrapes appears along the upper reverse near 11:00..."

instead of "A series of three or four scratches scrape along the upper reverse near 11:00 ".

Also, can you determine if there are actually three vs. four? If so, tell the readers which it is and if not, maybe say "a small number of" instead. I'd say "scratches " or "scrapes" but not "scratches scrape".

[Dcoin]

Little harsh on your coin... seems that the whole description is dedicated to what's wrong. Maybe mix in some good facts to help the cause a bit?

 

Good luck!

 

[cpm9ball]

and there are a couple of shallow, ancient pock marks near Liberty's throat, but there are no other untoward detractions of note.

 

James, in addition to Mark's comments, I think it would be a bit of a "stretch" to call them ancient pock marks. Why not just "very, very old"?

 

no other untoward detractions

 

Is this just a typo?

 

Chris

[MarkFeld]

and there are a couple of shallow, ancient pock marks near Liberty's throat, but there are no other untoward detractions of note.

 

James, in addition to Mark's comments, I think it would be a bit of a "stretch" to call them ancient pock marks. Why not just "very, very old"?

 

no other untoward detractions

 

Is this just a typo?

 

Chris

 

Chris, that was probably not a typo (and, while unusual, I liked it). Untoward: "adjective 1. unfavorable or unfortunate: Untoward circumstances forced him into bankruptcy."

 

 

 

[James_OldeTowne]

It would help if we saw photos of the coin, though...Mike

I feel uncomfortable doing so, as it is not my coin, and I do not have permission to photograph it for public display. Sorry about this shortcoming.

 

Mark, you correct that I did mean to use the word "untoward". One of the difficult aspects of writing descriptions that I caught onto pretty quickly is that of repeating words. I try to vary word usage. Thesaurus.com sees a lot of hits from me !

[TomB]

but there are no other untoward detractions of note

The only place I ever see a statement like the above is in a coin auction and my knee-jerk reaction is to believe the writer or auctioneer is attempting to make the lot appear to be more grandiose or important than the reality would suggest.

[MarkFeld]

but there are no other untoward detractions of note

The only place I ever see a statement like the above is in a coin auction and my knee-jerk reaction is to believe the writer or auctioneer is attempting to make the lot appear to be more grandiose or important than the reality would suggest.

Tom, do you feel the same way in this case, even when the cataloguer has apparently also fairly described the negative attributes of the coin?

[TomB]

Yes, I do, which is why I consider it a knee-jerk reaction. By the way, I am in now way insinuating that my own writing style is user friendly.

[cpm9ball]

and there are a couple of shallow, ancient pock marks near Liberty's throat, but there are no other untoward detractions of note.

 

James, in addition to Mark's comments, I think it would be a bit of a "stretch" to call them ancient pock marks. Why not just "very, very old"?

 

no other untoward detractions

 

Is this just a typo?

 

Chris

 

Chris, that was probably not a typo (and, while unusual, I liked it). Untoward: "adjective 1. unfavorable or unfortunate: Untoward circumstances forced him into bankruptcy."

 

As much as I hate to be repetitive in writing, I still find myself referring back to the good old standby's...........................layman's terms. Most people don't carry a dictionary or thesaurus around in their back pocket.

 

Chris

 

 

 

[IGWT]

If I were the consignor, I'd I think it's possible to be a bit more positive about the coin while still providing an honest description.

 

Take the opening sentence, for example:

 

Despite a considerable level of dark corrosion of both its sides, attribution of this early large-cent is readily confirmed by the presence of the periods after LIBERTY and the date.

You can focus on the positive by simply placing the prepositional phrase at the end of the sentence: This Chain Cent is readily attributable by the date and by the periods after LIBERTY that are plainly visible despite considerable dark corrosion on both sides of the coin.

 

You can also flip this sentence . . .

 

Indeed, though all details are considerably affected by the corrosive effects of a caustic environment, the all-important date and chain are impressively bold, as are the reverse legends.

. . . so that it reads: The date, chain, and reverse legends show boldly even though corrosion obscures the finer details of the design.

 

Finally, for what it's worth, the writing reads like you're trying too hard. There's room for you to be yourself even in the small space of an auction lot description!

[physics-fan3.14]

I like it, with Mark's comments.

[MikeInFL]

TANGENT WARNING

 

James, It reads well to my eye.

 

After thinking about this for a while, and wondering if Mr. Feld was going to (privately) point out another of my word choice mistakes (which I poke fun at him for, but honestly appreciate), I was concerned the above fragment was grammatically incorrect.

 

I did a quick web search, and ran into this 10 page thread:

 

http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/general-language-discussions/36826-book-reads-well.html

 

Apparently we numismatists aren't the only ones who debate issues to no end...

 

FWIW, it seems the phrase above is OK to use if a bit odd, and it is called "mediopassive voice" (I had no idea). Have fun...Mike

 

END TANGENT (with my apologies to the OP)

 

 

[cpm9ball]

C'mon, Mike, just where do you think I will find mediopassive voice in my primer?

 

Chris

[ibyandsellsmith]

Just a bunch of word play, the fact is your being honest about the coin, and will be appreciated. Although it will diminish the value of the coin, at least you can feel good about yourself. The coin is corroded but extremely rare, so if you ask me you could put it looks like and it would sell.

[MikeKing]

i would omit this:

 

Despite a considerable level of dark corrosion of both its sides

 

just leave it out, there's no need for it

[BillJones]

Is this description wordy and a bit over done?

 

Yes, but I don’t see a huge problem here. Despite the fact that this coin has extensive problems, it is going to cost the buyer several thousand dollars in today’s market. As such this could be one of the more expensive items in this auction, and therefore a lot of some importance. Buyers of damaged Chain cents like this are looking for as much detail as possible on these coins, and the wording here provides that information.

 

Presence of a readable date on a low grade Chain cent is A BIG DEAL. I know because I sold a low grade Chain Ameri years ago at an EAC convention. The dealer to whom I sold it made that comment about the readable date. After I sold the piece for basically the price in the Red Book, I had a couple dealers tell they would have paid more than the price I received. AND full definition of the Chain is essential for almost all buyers.

 

No, I think this a tempest in a teapot. I don't see a real problem here.

 

[James_OldeTowne]

You guys have given me some fantastic feedback. I really appreciate all the constructive remarks and criticisms.

 

The coin itself is not even close to "attractive", and thus my description might sound a bit harsh without having the coin to compare to, but nonetheless, I am taking some very valuable advice away from this little experiment, and am going to rearrange the order of what I described a bit so that some of the more positive attributes (strong date, legends) precede the negatives.

 

Would anyone mind if I post a couple more in the near future for additional opinions and criticisms? I think it makes me a better writer.

 

THANKS!

 

 

[cpm9ball]

Right on, James! (Pun intended)

 

There is one thing about "righting" that will always be subject to opinion. Every person reading the same information will take from it what they want. So, there is no "write" way or wrong way.

 

The concept of introducing the positive aspects before the negative aspects works for some readers. On the other hand, some readers have the tendency to remember most of what they have read last. It's six of one and a half dozen of the other, so it's your choice.

 

In any event, keep them coming. It's good therapy!

 

Chris