Preview of a (partial) lot description I'm writing (CAUTION: spam)

[James_OldeTowne]

This is for an auction lot description I am writing and being paid for, so technically there is spam potential, but that is not my intent. I've removed actual references to the coin and auction itself. What remains is background information.

 

I'd be interested in your reaction, especially knowing that this story will precede a four-sentence (eg. a "short" by comparison) description of the coin itself. I just think "history" should not be a forgotten aspect of a collectable coins.

 

I'm writing vignettes only for a handful of coins out of about a thousand. Enjoy, and by all means, comment (especially if you see inaccuracies)!

 

If you'd like, guess what the coin is (should be easy)!

 

By August 31, 1901, the 28 year old laborer had arrived in Buffalo, New York, leaving his family behind in Warrensville, Ohio. He moved into a cramped and filthy apartment above a noisy saloon for $2 a week - all he could afford, having lost a well-paying job some time before. Indeed, the loss of his job gnawed at him, and his frustration had turned to anger that festered and grew as he saw the inequity of those New Yorkers living on the upper crust in their fancy homes and stylish clothes. Leon had a slim build with a pale complexion and a slight mustache that drooped ruefully, and he began to spend much time in early September wandering through the exhibitions at the nearby World's Fair, roaming the exhibits and presenting a rather odd and frightening appearance. “I had made up my mind that I would have to do something heroic for the cause I loved." he would say in a later interview. On September 5, 1901, he put a plan in motion, buying a .32 caliber Iver-Johnson revolver in downtown Buffalo, not far from the Pan-American Exposition.

 

September 6 was a glorious summer day with brilliant sunshine and a crystal-blue sky, and Leon went to the exposition with the revolver in his pocket. Earlier in the day, President McKinley had visited Niagara Falls, and was scheduled to deliver a speech that afternoon, following a reception in the auditorium at the exposition's Temple of Music. At 4:00, the auditorium doors were opened, allowing entrance to the large crowd that had gathered to hear the speech. Thunderous applause accompanied the smiling and sincerely happy President as he entered the auditorium. "Let them come!" said the President expansively to his aides as he strode across the room to greet and mingle with his admirers. McKinley stood in the center of the room, personally shaking hands with each of the visitors as they passed by in single file.

 

At exactly 4:07p.m., while the organ played a Bach sonata, Leon Czolgosz finally reached his turn in line. As President McKinley extended a friendly hand, Czolgosz shoved it aside and whipped out the revolver, which he had draped with a handkerchief and concealed in his pocket. He fired two quick shots at McKinley’s torso, just inches away. The shots rang out and stunned the crowd into silence. For a moment, the President merely stared at Czolgosz in amazement before falling backwards. As the furious crowd jumped on the assailant, McKinley clutched his bleeding chest and said, “Boys, don’t let them hurt him!”. Within minutes, the Secret Service had control of the situation, and an ambulance had arrived to remove the stricken President from the scene, his white shirt smeared in blood. Using the emergency room as a surgery room, doctors frantically searched for a bullet lodged in his back (it was discovered that the other bullet had merely grazed a coat button and inflicted no harm). It was not found, and the doctors decided to close the wound in belief that it would heal. Despite an interim during which his health seemed to be returning, internal infection was already setting in, and the President would be dead from gangrene by September 14, 1901, to be succeeded by Theodore Roosevelt. Leon Czolgosz was later found guilty of murder and put to death in the electric chair at Auburn Prison on October 29, 1901.

 

[MikeInFL]

Great writeup, thanks for sharing James. One thing struck me...

 

September 6 was a glorious summer day

....

Leon Czolgosz was later found guilty of murder and put to death in the electric chair at Auburn Prison on October 29, 1901.

 

Less than two months from murder to electric chair! I suppose justice was faster back then...Mike

[okbustchaser]

Less than two months from murder to electric chair! I suppose justice was faster back then...Mike

 

That happens when you murder the President instead of some "nobody".

 

Nice writeup, James. Now quit working on next winter's sale and update your website!

[WoodenJefferson]

Nice history write-up of our darker side of our heritage...is it a 1901-S Barber Quarter btw?

[DirtyGoldMan]

I enjoyed the history lesson.

 

I hope that they are paying you by the hour!

 

 

 

 

[Keleum]

McKinley Memorial Gold Dollar?

[IGWT]

While I appareciate history, and even though I enjoyed reading your piece, I don't think that the write-up belongs in an lot description unless something more than the date ties the coin to the event. I'm sure that others will have a different opinion.

[Dwaine]

I was thinking the same thing. Personally if I have to read too much to get to the coin details or don't find the coin details in an auction I will skip that auction and move on.

[DirtyGoldMan]

I disagree with the previous two posts. Anything that ties a coin to history makes it interesting for many of us. If one does not care about the history, he/she can skip it.

[RWB]

FWIW - Unless the auction lot is something really special, the description is too long and dramatic to augment the coin. Also, there are quite a few subordinate clauses. These interfere with the flow of your description, and distract the reader. The biggest risk with a long historical description is accuracy. If any part of the narrative is incorrect, someone will find it and complain. You might look at some of the catalog descriptions by John K. in the old ANR and Stack’s catalogs, or ones by Mark van Winkle in Heritage catalogs or the Morse Collection double eagle book.

[TomB]

No offense meant, but your style of writeup would turn me off completely to the lot and, if present enough throughout the auction, to the entire catalog. Tell me the pertinent facts about the coin, save me the history lesson. It smacks of gratuitous writing. Obviously, others will disagree with me, but your job is to make potential bidders become live bidders and a writeup such as this would have many folks turning away with a wave of disgust. Therefore, while some folks would like the historical fluff, others will leave the venue with their wallets shut and you will fail the consignor and your employer.

[cpm9ball]

As interesting as the story is, James, I have to agree that it might be a turn-off for people viewing the listing. It might be best if you gave the description of the item, first, and follow it up with the history lesson.

 

By the way, is the item in question a 1901 Pan American Exposition, HK287, 288 or 289?

 

Chris

[physics-fan3.14]

I don't know what the auction is for, but it should be something really special for this kind of treatment. While I like it, I do think the coin's description should come first.

[James_OldeTowne]

I really appreciate ALL the comments, both pro and con. Please allow me to explain and address some of the issues raised.

 

While I appareciate history, and even though I enjoyed reading your piece, I don't think that the write-up belongs in an lot description unless something more than the date ties the coin to the event. I'm sure that others will have a different opinion.

Please bear in mind that I deleted the last paragraph from this description due to spam considerations, and that probably made the purpose of the history unclear. That deleted paragraph ties the historical vignette to the coin in question, a gold McKinley dollar.

 

The assassination led to three significant numismatic events, including two commemorative coins. More importantly, it led to Roosevelt's ascendency to the Presidency, and of course without Roosevelt in office, we would not have a Saint Gaudens, we would not have the $10 Indian, and we would not have the incused gold coins, and chances are the golden age of American numismatics would not have been something less than it was.

 

Consider the coins in your pocket at the time of McKinley's death. You would have had mostly Barber coins and perhaps the occasional Coronet gold coin, along with your Indian head cents. Can you imagine anything more drab? Now, consider what would have been in your pocket a scant 10-15 years later, mostly due to Roosevelt's recreation of American coinage! You would have had Lincoln cents, Buffalo nickels, Mercury dimes, Standing Liberty quarters, Walking Liberty half-dollars, not to mention the Indian and Saint gold coins! But had McKinley not been assassinated, making Roosevelt president, we do not know that all this would have happened. Redesign of American coinage was not a high priority before Roosevelt.

 

All this is what my story was leading up to, and is summarized in the last ("spam"-deleted) paragraph of the auction listing.

 

FWIW - Unless the auction lot is something really special, the description is too long and dramatic to augment the coin. Also, there are quite a few subordinate clauses. These interfere with the flow of your description, and distract the reader. The biggest risk with a long historical description is accuracy. If any part of the narrative is incorrect, someone will find it and complain.

That's why I posted it here ! I would like to have errors, etc. pointed out so I can correct them.

 

No offense meant, but your style of writeup would turn me off completely to the lot and, if present enough throughout the auction, to the entire catalog. Tell me the pertinent facts about the coin, save me the history lesson. It smacks of gratuitous writing.

Tom, I appreciate your comment. Please note that there are only two (so far) such auction descriptions in the entire catalog of 1000 lots. I agree with what you say, and had hoped that a very occasional vignette might relieve some of the technical monotony. There are multiple McKinley dollars in the sale, and the others have very brief (two sentence) descriptions.

 

I don't know what the auction is for, but it should be something really special for this kind of treatment. While I like it, I do think the coin's description should come first.

It is. It's easily one of the nicest McKinleys I've ever seen, and it was a pleasure to have been able to enjoy describing it.

 

Guys, THANKS VERY MUCH for the feedback, and by all means, keep it coming. I truly value your comments, and my responses aren't meant in anyway to discourage them.

[IGWT]

James -- Unless you witnessed the event, perhaps you should consider including citations to the sources on which you relied. The references would also serve as a short bibliography for the reader who is interested in learning more about the subject.