HERE'S HOW YOU REALLY DO IT! AND NEVER HAVE A WORRY!!

OK, FIRST OFF I HAVE MY TRUSTED 12 GUAGE BOLT ACTION WITH ONE IN THE CHAMBER AND 5 ROUNDS IN THE TUBE, PROPPED AGAINST MY HEADBOARD ON MY SIDE OF THE BED!

SECONDLY, MY DOORS ARE LOCKED AND DEADBOLTED!

C-MY ALARM SYSTEM ARMED!

4-MY 800 LB GUN SAFE PACKED FULL OF MY TREASURES(ANOTHER 450LBS OR BETTER), JUST BELOW MY LCD TELEVISION MOUNTED ON MY BEDROOM WALL!

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, MY 130LB PITBULL, SHELBY(I LOVE MUSTANGS), ROAMING AIMLESSLY THROUGH MY HOUSE, AND DID I MENTION SHE HAS AIDS AND GONORRHEA? MY DOG, NOT THE WIFE(AT LEAST I HOPE NOT) MAYBE THATS WHY I ITCH SO BAD AND IT BURNS WHEN I PEE(JUST JOKING)!!

HERE IS HOW IT WOULD GO, THE INTRUDER WOULD HAVE TO GET PAST THE ALARM AND LOCKS, O.K., NOW THAT MAY BE POSSIBLE(VERY SMALL CHANCE) THEN THEY WOULD HAVE TO AVOID THE AIDS AND OTHER STD INFESTED DOG(POSSIBLE BUT UNLIKELY) AND THEN GET INTO MY BEDROOM, THEN THE FUN BEGINS, BY THEN I WOULD HAVE THE BOLT AIMED AND READY, POINTED DIRECTLY AT THE SAFE(NO WORRIES OF HURTING THE COLLECTION-GEEZ IT'S A SAFE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD). AS THEY REACH FOR THE LCD T.V. BECAUSE THEY ARE GONNA SEE THE SAFE AND SAY "NO WAY WE ARE GETTING THAT OUTTA HERE", BUT BACK TO THE T.V. AS THEY REACH FOR IT I'LL JUST INSTRUCT THEM TO KEEP THEIR HANDS UP, IF THEY KNOW WHATS GOOD FOR THEM, AND WAIT FOR THE POLICE TO GET HERE, BUT IF NEED BE I CAN PULL THE TRIGGER AND RECHAMBER A ROUND IN JUST UNDER 2 SECONDS, IF THE FIRST ROUND(SAYING I BY SOME CHANCE MISS) DONT MAKE THEM THEIR PANTS, THE SECOND WILL PROBABLY HIT THE MARK!

I HOPE I HAVE ENTERTAINED A FEW AND MADE THE REST SCRATCH THEIR HEADS. BUT AN ALARM WITH A VERY LOUD SIREN(ONE INSIDE AND ONE OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE), AND A DOG(DOESN'T HAVE TO HAVE STD's) SHOULD KEEP ANYONE FROM EVER COMING IN, BUT AS I RECALL ONE OF THE POSTINGS ON THIS SUBJECT SAID "DON'T TELL PEOPLE WHAT YOU HAVE". THAT ALONE GREATLY REDUCES THE POSSIBLE INTRUDERS(USUALLY A FRIEND OR AQUAINTANCE-GO FIGURE) WHO WILL TRY TO GET YOUR STUFF. MOST OF THE SUGGESTIONS ARE GREAT WAYS TO PROTECT YOUR COLLECTION, BUT HONESTLY THE TRAP DOOR THEORY WAS THE BEST, I MAY HAVE TO GET RID OF THE DOG BEFORE SHE BITES ME FOR THE EIGTH TIME(DAMN, HOPE I DONT HAVE THAT AIDS STUFF), AND GET A SAW!!