Why I can't be completely honest.

[edmerlr]

MikeKing has posted a thread recently under the title of “I’m sick of it.” Although I have nothing I would like to ad to Mike’s post, I certainly found it thought provoking.

 

I have my own thoughts as I see certain posts on this forum and I see it, I think, take place more often across the street on that forum.

 

First of all - bear with me - I am still a baby on this forum – only one month old. …and across the street I am only 3 months older. Perhaps I need to be a “toddler” before I start sharing too many of my thoughts.

 

This thread’s topic is “Why I can’t bring myself to be completely honest.”

 

What I am beginning to see on some of these postings is a pattern. (This probably went on long before I signed up.) …and I realize that I am generalizing and overly exaggerating when I describe this, but here is what I see:

 

Person A will post a beautiful, eye appealing, slabbed, obviously very expensive Mint State coin that he just purchased. He is proud of his find and wants the world to see it.

 

Members #1, #2 and #3 will see the posting and respond – in so many words: “Great find!” or “Nice pick-up!” or “Good One!” or etc.

 

In a later post, Person B will post a worn, hairlined, dipped, and perhaps dinged coin that he just purchased. He is proud of his find and wants the world to see it.

 

Members will see this posting – quite often Members #1, #2 and #3 - and respond – in so many words: “Great find!” or “Nice pick-up!” or “Good One!” or etc.

 

When I see Person B’s coin I have my opinions, but I find it best just say nothing. If I did say anything, I may find it very difficult to be completely honest. …and I certainly can NOT bring myself to say “Great find! etc. – I am sorry. (After all, the coin is worn, hairlined, dipped, and I DO SEE a ding.)

 

I am silent because I realize that Person B is a TRUE COLLECTOR. He might have, in the past, short-changed his wife and not have bought her the birthday present that she truly deserved just so he would have the funds to pay for this worn hairlined coin. His kids may have been slighted too. Perhaps Santa Claus was not as generous last year, because Person B had to scrimp and save just to raise the $100 needed for that worn hairlined coin that he found at the local coin shop.

 

Yes, he should be proud of his find – and the sacrifices it took to obtain it. The world should see it.

 

This is why I cannot bring myself to be completely honest. I certainly do NOT want to “rain on anyone’s parade.”

 

What I truly enjoy about this forum (and the other one) goes beyond the sharing of coins, knowledge and experience. What I enjoy is the willingness of the membership to share not only the facts, but the sharing of ideas, of opinions, and of gut intuition.

 

Before discovering these two forums, I participated in a group comment, question, and answer private e-mail site belonging to a club that I belong to.

 

In this club’s site I sensed a hesitancy to respond if the specific answer to a question was not known. I would complain (whine is probably the more accurate description) that if even the exact answer is NOT known, “…at least share your thoughts, opinions, and feelings.” After all, I kept reminding them, “We are not building space ships. We are only coin collectors.”

 

This brings me back to Person B.

 

I know why I cannot be completely honest upon viewing the worn hairlined coin that he is so proud of. I have an excuse for not sharing my thoughts, opinions, and feelings. I do not want to run the risk of raining on Person B’s parade.

 

Yes, the phrase of “Silence is Golden” is often correct.

 

Then again, perhaps I should have stayed silent and not typed this posting at all.

 

[WinstonWare]

What if person B simply doesn’t know any better? If I post a coin that you don’t like, please tell me and tell me why you don’t like it. I’ll appreciate your candor.

[michael]

collect what you like with discretionary income and you will do fine

[123cents]

"Silence is Golden" is certainly correct in many cases. There are collectors here and ATS that just can't afford to buy the nicest of examples in whatever they are collecting. If they are pleased and proud of their coins, who am I to say anything different.

[cpm9ball]

Even thouogh I am always open to constructive criticism, I musn't assume that others in these forums will react the same way. So, I can understand your unwillingness to respond in some instances. There is another adage........... "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."..............However, isn't it being nice to point out deficiencies? How can anyone learn if they don't see their mistakes?

 

Sometimes I can see the hairlines, dips and dings (I've omitted "wear" because even we degenerate with age.) and other times I can't. I really appreciate it when someone can help me. That's what I like about forums like this. There are so many people eager to share their experiences and knowledge.

 

In this hobby, knowledge is all-important. If you refuse to consider contrary opinions, you are only endangering yourself. Here is another adage for you to consider................. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." ...............Anyone who thinks they have learned all there is to know is only fooling themself.

 

Chris

[rbrown4]

I understand what you are saying about not being able to speak your mind, but I think you and anyone should provide their thoughts, comments, questions etc. at any time for anybodys coin or post. By what I have seen here in these forums is a willingness by everyone both new to the hobby and not to learn from others. Even if you were to post your concerns etc. in the form of a question or whatever, I think it best to lay it all out.

 

I have had folks point out things about coins I have posted that are both positive and negative but it is always something that I needed to know and did not or was not aware of.

 

I have not seen anyone get upset for bringing up a point about a coin no matter what it was. True, folks may not specifically ask for positive or negative comments but I for one welcome any and all information that can be shared.

 

Rey

[dooly]

You can slag my coins of all you want, thats how i learn (thumbs u

 

this is a great forum and all peoples imputs are important New or old, Rich or poor..its the Coins and shared information which make it keep posting keep learning !!!

 

all the best dooly

[TomB]

Well, since you have been posting on both boards for a combined four months I might assume that you already know that I am not the type of member who posts like your hypothetical members 1, 2 or 3. I tell the truth as I see it or interpret it and this has led to a pile of less than flattering private messages that have ended up in my inbox over the years.

 

There is a paradigm that I generally try to hold to in a situation as you described. If the person with the hairlined coin is asking for opinions and comments then I believe they should be aware that some folks might write something less than completely positive and they should be ready to accept those interpretations. However, if they do not indicate that they welcome opinions and comments then I often will send them a private message where I will first apologize for the negative interpretation I am about to give to them and then will follow that up with my interpretation of the images and the reasons for the interpretations. Sometimes folks appreciate this, sometimes they do not.

[MarkFeld]

MikeKing has posted a thread recently under the title of “I’m sick of it.” Although I have nothing I would like to ad to Mike’s post, I certainly found it thought provoking.

 

I have my own thoughts as I see certain posts on this forum and I see it, I think, take place more often across the street on that forum.

 

First of all - bear with me - I am still a baby on this forum – only one month old. …and across the street I am only 3 months older. Perhaps I need to be a “toddler” before I start sharing too many of my thoughts.

 

This thread’s topic is “Why I can’t bring myself to be completely honest.”

 

What I am beginning to see on some of these postings is a pattern. (This probably went on long before I signed up.) …and I realize that I am generalizing and overly exaggerating when I describe this, but here is what I see:

 

Person A will post a beautiful, eye appealing, slabbed, obviously very expensive Mint State coin that he just purchased. He is proud of his find and wants the world to see it.

 

Members #1, #2 and #3 will see the posting and respond – in so many words: “Great find!” or “Nice pick-up!” or “Good One!” or etc.

 

In a later post, Person B will post a worn, hairlined, dipped, and perhaps dinged coin that he just purchased. He is proud of his find and wants the world to see it.

 

Members will see this posting – quite often Members #1, #2 and #3 - and respond – in so many words: “Great find!” or “Nice pick-up!” or “Good One!” or etc.

 

When I see Person B’s coin I have my opinions, but I find it best just say nothing. If I did say anything, I may find it very difficult to be completely honest. …and I certainly can NOT bring myself to say “Great find! etc. – I am sorry. (After all, the coin is worn, hairlined, dipped, and I DO SEE a ding.)

 

I am silent because I realize that Person B is a TRUE COLLECTOR. He might have, in the past, short-changed his wife and not have bought her the birthday present that she truly deserved just so he would have the funds to pay for this worn hairlined coin. His kids may have been slighted too. Perhaps Santa Claus was not as generous last year, because Person B had to scrimp and save just to raise the $100 needed for that worn hairlined coin that he found at the local coin shop.

 

Yes, he should be proud of his find – and the sacrifices it took to obtain it. The world should see it.

 

This is why I cannot bring myself to be completely honest. I certainly do NOT want to “rain on anyone’s parade.”

 

What I truly enjoy about this forum (and the other one) goes beyond the sharing of coins, knowledge and experience. What I enjoy is the willingness of the membership to share not only the facts, but the sharing of ideas, of opinions, and of gut intuition.

 

Before discovering these two forums, I participated in a group comment, question, and answer private e-mail site belonging to a club that I belong to.

 

In this club’s site I sensed a hesitancy to respond if the specific answer to a question was not known. I would complain (whine is probably the more accurate description) that if even the exact answer is NOT known, “…at least share your thoughts, opinions, and feelings.” After all, I kept reminding them, “We are not building space ships. We are only coin collectors.”

 

This brings me back to Person B.

 

I know why I cannot be completely honest upon viewing the worn hairlined coin that he is so proud of. I have an excuse for not sharing my thoughts, opinions, and feelings. I do not want to run the risk of raining on Person B’s parade.

 

Yes, the phrase of “Silence is Golden” is often correct.

 

Then again, perhaps I should have stayed silent and not typed this posting at all.

Thanks for your thoughtful post. Generally speaking, if I see someone post a coin which, for whatever reason I don't like, if they solicit opinions, I speak up. And if they don't, I don't. However, there are rare exceptions when a a "problem' coin is posted without a request for feedback, the responses are positive/don't make note of the problem(s) and I can't help but speak up.

[James_OldeTowne]

If I am understanding your point, then I don't agree. When I post a coin, often it's because I believe I have something special, and sometimes, I am just flat wrong. In those cases, I truly appreciate the willingness of forum members to say so, point out the deficiencies and help me learn from my mistakes.

 

No doubt, there are some folks (probably mostly across the street, I hate to say) who post coins just for the ego boost, fully expecting the "oohs and the aahs", and they get upset when someone points out the coin's flaws, but for me, I don't mind at all.

 

It isn't just coins, either. I recently posted a partial lot description for a McKinley gold dollar, and didn't get quite the positive reaction I was hoping for. But I did get good, constructive criticism, and made pretty much all the suggestions given, and it was a definite improvement.

 

So in closing, I would appreciate it if my fellow board members will continue to be honest in assessing anything I post, even if it isn't what I want to hear.

 

(thumbs u

[PerryHall]

Some people appreciate honest feedback. Others don't. You won't know someones reaction until after you criticise their coin.

[cpm9ball]

However, if they do not indicate that they welcome opinions and comments then I often will send them a private message where I will first apologize for the negative interpretation I am about to give to them and then will follow that up with my interpretation of the images and the reasons for the interpretations. Sometimes folks appreciate this, sometimes they do not.

 

If that is the case, Tom, I find it very hard to believe that you have never sent me one of those PM's.

 

Actually, I find it very hard to believe that anyone showing the rest of us a coin is not expecting any comments whether they are good or bad.

 

Chris

[WinstonWare]

These are good points being made. I think I usually say that opinions are welcome, as they always are for my coins, but I will try to do a better job of remembering to write that.

[Dcoin]

The way your critique (good or bad) is phrased makes all the difference. There is a way to help the OP along in their quest for knowledge and then there is throwing dirt on the coin. The guy/gal that went through the process of purchasing a coin should have the knowledge that it may be problem coin, however break it gently. You never know how much effort/sentiment goes into that coin.

 

BTW this topic reminds me of my wife’s famous question, “Do I look fat in this?”… honesty is not always the best policy!

 

[cpm9ball]

BTW this topic reminds me of my wife’s famous question, “Do I look fat in this?”… honesty is not always the best policy!

 

"Honey, if it is three sizes too small, of course you look fat in it!"

 

or

 

"Not just that one!"

 

or

 

"Nah, you look the same in all of them."

 

Chris

[conqueror]

I see thing little differently, in that not everyone collects coins the sameway. Many of you are true collectors or dealers and have the funds to purchase top teir coins. Then there are those like myself who has some money and is able to buy what he or she thinks is a coin at a good price. Finally, there are those with limited funds who will purchase whatever they can for the collection.

Far as i know there are two ways of posting on this forum. One is in the most recent purchase post, where people post newly accured coins that they want to share pictures with and maybe wanting the feed from 1,2,and 3. They are not asking someone to judge there coins, thus a little will do.

Other one is when, someone wants an opinion or has a questions for the forum members. Now here the truth is very important, because now you are assisting , educating, or confirming with the poster.

This is a hobby where people from all walks of life come together, we don't all drive a nice car or even own a car. Some are in there teens, while others are in their prime, and thats what makes this forum unique.

 

John

[MAULEMALL]

I told someone this in a PM once,,,

I have, On occasion, Posted some coins that I knew had some "Troubles" just to see who was who..

And from these posts and answers I can see who (I) would put some meat behind thier opinions.

 

Overall this board is quite good.

 

[MikeInFL]

I tend to agree with others, that if the coin isn't all there, and they ask for opinions, I let if fly, even if my comments are less than complimentary I do try and keep my comments respectful. If they don't ask for comments, and the coin isn't what I would call desireable, I generally don't say anything.

 

Remember, we often learn more from criticism than we do from compliments...Mike

[Revenant]

I've always thought it was kinda funny the 1 or 2 times I've been slagged over a coin I paid $13 and then someone else will come along having drastically over-paid and spent $24K on something and people are very nice to them about it. It seems as though the care with which people treat you is directly related to how much money you're out.

 

I'll periodically post things in the aquisitions thread and elsewhere that I know 90% of the collectors here would probably consider beneath them to collect, but it's what I'm interested in. The response I get is the response I get.

[cpm9ball]

I don't consider the collecting of any numismatic series beneath me. Heck, I even bend over to pick up coins out of the muck.

 

Chris

[TomB]

I've always thought it was kinda funny the 1 or 2 times I've been slagged over a coin I paid $13 and then someone else will come along having drastically over-paid and spent $24K on something and people are very nice to them about it. It seems as though the care with which people treat you is directly related to how much money you're out.

 

I'll periodically post things in the aquisitions thread and elsewhere that I know 90% of the collectors here would probably consider beneath them to collect, but it's what I'm interested in. The response I get is the response I get.

I don't consider any collecting niche beneath me. I simply collect what I find interesting and what I can afford.

[MikeKing]

I wrote two long responses to this post and deleted them both.

 

TomB hit it on the nose.

 

Michael hit it on the nose (bravo Michael)

 

And this is a great post, because COLLECTORS can talk and share ideas.

 

I've learned a lot on this board.

 

Looking back, I would regret if I ever said something negative about someone elses coin and hurt their feelings. Seriously. There are things I've said in the past that I still think of and regret, because people have feelings. Feelings need to be respected, and it takes good judgement to know how and when to make comments on coins...they're so personal.

 

We, as humans, and collectors, are always developing our judgement. Thus, the advantages of forgiveness as well as learning.

 

I showed my coins to a fellow collector recently with, I assume, the understanding that I wanted honest opinions, so if he said 'this is ', honestly, I'd appreciate it, knowing that he'd tell me WHY he thinks it's , and maybe I could learn from it whether or not I agree with him or not. That takes both developing a thicker skin (on you, not your coins, though, a thick skin will help any coin) and confidence in your own abilities as well as a willingness to learn.

 

I just noticed that I'm going on and on again which is why I deleted my first two responses, so I'll stop here.

and hit the submit button.

 

 

 

[edmerlr]

First, thanks to all of you for your comments to my posting.

 

Second, please, keep the comments coming.

 

I am totally amazed at the degree of wisdom that has been shared already. …I also sense - although some of you may consider yourself too manly to admit it – a concern for the feelings and emotions of others.

 

What has been shared so far is one of the things I love about coin collecting. …and this goes beyond the hoarding of our precious little disc-shaped objects.

 

Coin collecting is the great equalizer.

 

It doesn’t matter if we are rich or poor. Tall or short. Lean or over-weight. Young or old. If we vote for donkeys or elephants or the Green Party. Etc.

 

We all have a common bond.

 

So far I have heard that silence is golden WHEN there is a need or reason to be quiet.

 

…but by being silent is NOT how share what we know, what we have experienced and what we need to learn about our coins.

 

I guess I just need to learn when to say nothing AND when to say something with tact and grace. (or when to use the PM, as TomB said)

 

Keep talking Guys.

 

I’m loving this. (If I can be allowed – as a male – to use the “love word.”)

 

Ed R.

 

 

 

[rrantique]

While i use humorous cartoon characters a lot in my post. I would like to apologize to anyone who becomes offended. While I think humor and camaraderie go hand in hand.

This forum has to be one of the greatest places to share knowledge and enjoy a wonderful hobby. It always overwhelms me to see the wealth of knowledge that's always at my fingertips. Honesty and sincerity are great virtues. And i for one am thankful that i am a member of this great community.

[TJ'S Coins]

Great question and great responses!

 

If I post a coin and ask for opinions I want them to be honest and candid. People can disagree and not be disagreeable. Overall we do this very well on these boards (thumbs u

 

On threads posting nice material I may or may not comment, especially if others have said what I would say already. It a post is recent with few responses when I am reading it I am more apt to respond. I try to be honest and follow the golden rule of treating others like I would like to be treated. Again, these forums do this well which is one reason why I keep coming back.