For a Few Good Collectors - my parody on the never ending saga

NGC rep: You want accurate points?

Collector Kaffee : I think I'm entitled to them.

NGC rep: You want accurate points?

Collector Kaffee: I want the truth!

NGC rep: You can't handle accurate points! Son, we live in a collector's world that has graded holders. And those graded holders have to be scored by men with magnifying glasses. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Collector Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Collector Santiago and you curse the Society. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's low points, while tragic, probably saved collections. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves collections...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me scoring your coin's points. You need me scoring those points.

We use words like Star, stike, modern rarity...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending scores. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a collector who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very NGC Registry I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a coin and sell it on e-bay. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

Collector Kaffee: Did you order the high points for modern coins?

NGC rep: (quietly) I did the job they have paid me to do.

Collector Kaffee: Did you order the high points?

NGC rep: You're g%ddamn right I did!!

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